Runes and Grief 9: Wunjo

Tonight's randomly-drawn Rune is Wunjo. Joy.

There are times when we lose joy entirely. Through the breakdown of a relationship or a death, or through changes in circumstances that we did not choose.

There are a lot of expectations around joy - mainly, in the United States, that we have to have joy all the time or we have somehow failed. This is some toxic stuff.

The loss of Joy is a real thing, and is a healthy response to some situations. To force yourself to act joyful, or to beat yourself up for not being joyful is to negate your own true feelings and, by doing so, making Joy less likely to show up.

People may tell you to "cheer up." They might tell you you've grieved "long enough." This is a reflection on their inability to communicate with you honestly. It's not their fault; rather, it's part of the programming we get in this society. Anything less that happy is less than all right.

True joy, or contentment, comes through treating yourself and your situations honestly. There are no shortcuts, there is only traveling through the sorrow and change.

Along the way, treasure the joyful memories you have of your people, of your experiences. What you lost - a marriage, a job, a friend - all are still part of you. Keep hold of those joyful moments. Write about them in a special notebook (special not meaning expensive, but dedicated to the thoughts about the ____ that is lost). Or record them in whatever way makes you most comfortable.

Some possible starting sentences or jumping off points: I remember the way you held me My favorite days at this job were when The funniest thing was I laughed every time you Our wedding day was

You will probably cry while writing things out. That is okay. Look at these memories as a measure of the Joy it is possible to find in life. Eventually, you will find it. Give yourself the possibility of Joy by being in nature (even in a city there's nature to find - pay attention to the pigeons. They might not be very bright, but they are survivors and tenacious!), or hearing new music. There is always new music. You might enjoy it, finding new songs, or you might find it ridiculous. Either way, you are stretching yourself, opening yourself.

Joy will return. Let it.

The caveat with all of this is: be aware of signs of clinical depression. (Link opens at NAMI's page on signs of Depression. They are an excellent resource for help in this and many areas!) I am going to repeat - do not beat yourself up if you cannot be joyful yet. It is okay.