Runes and Grief 8: Thurisaz

Tonight's randomly-pulled Rune is Thurisaz. Thurs (jotunn, or giants), Thorn, Thor.

Thurisaz is often used in warding or protection work. It is the thorn, which guards the rose or fruit. Those who unknowingly take hold of it get cut. It is also the Thurs, elemental giants with whom Thor does battle to maintain balance. It also stands for Thor himself.

Let us consider how we protect ourselves and our loved ones in times of grief. For some, anyone coming close can seem threatening or invasive. In those times, we might wrap ourselves in defensive behaviours that can seem like we are lashing out - and at times we can do exactly that. It can be difficult to let people in, allow them to comfort us. At times it might feel that being comforted would be a sort of betrayal to the person who died. Isolating ourselves or our loved ones and figuratively cutting those who approach with positive intentions is a common reaction to grief. It usually does not last very long, but in some cases it can stretch on and risk becoming a new way of life for the grieving.

It is important to maintain balance and boundaries in times of grief. There might be times when alone is the only thing you want to be. Just alone with your thoughts and memories. That is perfectly reasonable. It is important, though, to come out of your shell sometimes. Even if it's only to allow someone to check in on you for a minute. And it's important for us to check in on our grieving people in a non-invasive way.

A way to check in unobtrusively is texting, and letting them know you know they might not want to talk, and that you're just checking to see if they need anything and that you are thinking about them. Acknowledging the wishes of the griever to be alone or that they might not want to be very communicative (which can be exhausting), while letting them know they are not forgotten is a way to build an opening for them for when they are ready to be more social.

Trying to balance life during the grieving process can be excruciating. Do not blame yourself or your griever if there are days or weeks of sadness. Watch for signs of depression, but do not be too hasty to label sadness as depression.

Pulling back into daily life after a loss can feel like going to battle. Understand that your grief is likely not just going to disappear, and that it might come back at unexpected times. It is going to unbalance you occasionally. That is normal. The feelings associated with grief are huge, and can be overwhelming. There is no hiding from them, though we attempt it sometimes. There is only reclaiming our balance through meeting these feelings, understanding them, allowing them, honoring them.