Grief and Runes 7: Fehu

Today's random draw brings us Fehu, the first rune in the commonly-accepted order of the Elder Futhark. Wealth, particularly mobile wealth (cattle).

In my view, the mobility of Fehu's wealth is key to understanding the meaning of the Rune. As with a cow or bull, you cannot keep it penned in in one spot, only allowing it to graze one place in the field, or it will starve while also bringing down the land. Also, there is no way you will be able to eat an entire cow before it goes bad. Trying to hoard all of the cow or bull or herd is beneficial to no one - not the animals, not you. It's meant to be shared. Since Fehu is taken to mean cattle, we have to remember that wealth is a living thing. It also has a mind of its own.

Our Grief marks the start of a new way of being. It is also huge, and moves at its own will despite our attempts to compartmentalize or not share it with others. In come cases, we hold tight to our grief because it is ours, ours alone, we think. There can be some truth to this; the death of a wife will hurt their partner in a very different way than their death will hurt their friends or children. There are particulars of grief based on the roles the person played in our lives. Our commonality is that we are grieving the loss of the person, and that is what we must share.

I think here of my friend, C. She was a role model to me while growing up, though she was only a few years older than I. When I moved here, one of the things I most looked forward to was being able to spend time with her and her wife, who I hoped to get to know, and to whom I was already grateful for treating my friend so well. On one of our first meetings after I landed, C asked if I could take her to a doctor's appointment. I did, of course.

As these things too often do, that appointment ended up being the start of what turned into my friend's dying process. It took a few months, just a few months. And she was gone. Many of us were and in part still are devastated at her departure. It was not fair - any of it; how she suffered, how she was treated, how her wife is now a widow, how we now do not have our sister, or friend, or aunt.

I am very fortunate I got to spend time with C before she died, and very fortunate I got to spend time with her wife, V, before she moved from the home they shared. V told me some very important things about how she was feeling, and the fact of the differences in our griefs - though both very deep - was obvious. Of course.

What I think Fehu reminds us of in times of Grief is that we must share our mourning, share our experiences, but that, even as we do, we are having unique experiences and feelings. Grief is a big word, a huge concept, and contains more variations and nuances than we can imagine.

We have each seen different aspects of our person, all valuable, and all part of that whole person. It is impossible to completely mourn the entirety of a person alone. We need to share the treasures of each others' views of our people. This allows them to live on in memories as more vibrant, complex, and beautiful people. It allows us to consider the roles we play in our people's lives now.

Do not hoard the treasures of your memories. They will become unmanageable. Realize you have treasure to share now in creating experiences with people that they will want to share when you are gone.